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But while Hunters’ worldview has certainly been rocked to its core, he may have found a promising silver lining: “I always felt bad about watching gay porn… but if Playdough is into this stuff, then why can’t I be? Seriously, no homo though.
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I really thought homosexuality was a new thing made up by lib…” - he momentarily struggles to remain politically impartial, but overcome with emotion can ultimately not compose himself - “libtards, you know?”Īlthough Zach failed to understand the complex rituals surrounding pederasty, domination/submission and masculinity within Athenian society - also detailed in the hour-long documentary - he has nevertheless irreversibly grasped the bigger (dick) picture. I just… I-” A long pause ensues while Hunters attempts to articulate himself, mouth fumbling with the word “gay.” Thoughts and grievances collected, they are finally unleashed in an unfiltered tirade: “So you’re telling me that the guys who invented democracy… like dudes? You might as well just tell me right here and now that George Washington sucked dick. But soon after, the earth-shattering nightmare began. Take for example Lex Alexander, a gay, handsome porn star who stands 6 feet and three inches, weighs 230 lbs., and an 8-inch cut dick. Greek porn stars are incredibly hot, among the hottest in the world.
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Interest piqued after hearing the narrator say “sex” - Hunters stayed tuned. Porn fans always get excited whenever Greek porn is on the menu for their porn movie binge. And after double checking three other channels to make sure “Family Guy” was not on, he settled on the program that would turn his life - and the decidedly heterosexual world as he knows it - upside down. Zach Hunters - age 34, six years single, credit score average - made this discovery after he unknowingly stumbled across a History Channel™ special titled “Athenian Male Sexuality.” With football season over and Hunters getting more than a little bored of Golden State dominating the NBA yet again, his go to sport programs were off the table.
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